[ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ] 212 Captain's Surrender by Alex Beecroft what he was. "And I had the devil of a time explaining to them both why it shocked me so. You see..." Josh's mouth thinned further but his shoulders straightened. He raised his head, and Peter found himself on the end of a glare threatening as a cocked pistol. There was a glow in those dark eyes like the muzzle-flash of a cannon, and Peter was forcibly reminded that he was no longer facing an inferior in rank or in anything else. "You see, sir, he would have been proud to have such a wife. Their people the Anishinabe people would have honored him for it, because they think men like me are holy. Different, yes. But not abominable." His voice shook with disappointment and anger. Launching himself to his feet, he strode out into the dark. Peter's heart lurched with loss, and he was half way out of his seat in pursuit when Josh returned, braced himself belligerently against the grotto and said, "They think we're holy. A bridge between man and woman, man and God. Here's an outrageous thing: They think that God made us like this because God wants us like this! And I thought ... I thought perhaps they were right. "Maybe I don't have to bring you eternal torment as a price for my love. Maybe I'm not a poison I have to protect you from. What if I, too, could be a blessing? What if I could make you happy? I'm sorry, sir..." His nostrils flared and he gave Peter a withering look of contempt that made Peter's breath catch in his throat. "I'm sorry that you find the idea so very funny." 213 Captain's Surrender by Alex Beecroft For a moment all Peter could feel was relief that Josh had come back, that he was still there, not exactly shouting, but doing as good an impression of it as was possible without raising one's voice. Relief gave way to astonishment, to a warm burst of something bright in his heart and his belly as he began to understand that this tirade was a declaration of love. It was only when these two pleasures had ebbed a little that he had space to realize he hadn't yet tried to apologize. "Josh..." But Josh was in no mood to listen. "No!" he said, cutting off the explanation with a sweep of his hand. "You're going to hear me out. I waited 'til we were here to tell you. I wanted dancing, fireworks, darkness, I thought it would be romantic. Don't laugh! And you royally fucked that up, sir, but I'm going to say it anyway. You want to marry? So do I. And you might be a total bastard at times, but I love you. So marry me." Oh! Peter thought. Oh God! And there was a pause, like the pause infinitesimal and yet so very long between the order to fire and the first broadside of a full fleet action. "I'm sorry?" "With all due respect, sir," said Josh, close examination revealing, behind the threat of his expression, a thrumming of nervous hope, "you heard me the first time. Peter Kenyon, will you marry me?" 214 Captain's Surrender by Alex Beecroft Chapter 24 A pause. Peter thought, aghast, that it was no wonder Josh had defeated a French ship of the line. His head for unorthodox tactics was frightening. "If we went to church and asked the priest to marry us, we would end up being hanged in one noose," he said, feeling both affronted at being put in the woman's place in this, and yet dimly, shamefully relieved. "So you cannot be suggesting that. I am not assuming again that I know what you mean. Elaborate." "Yes, sir." Josh snapped to attention, faintly ridiculous given the circumstances. "As I see it, there are three options. One, I persuade a captain I know, of my persuasion, to marry us under our own names at sea. Two, we travel to Giniw's country and marry by their rite." He flashed an aggressive smile daring Peter to laugh. "I'd consider that pretty unfeeling towards my rescuers, frankly." "And three," the smile softened and warmed, "and this is my favored option, you give me your word before God to forsake all others, to cleave to me until we die, and I swear the same by you, and that's enough for me." Peter rubbed the bridge of his nose. This was not something to be treated lightly. He no longer had the excuse of simply not having thought about the issues. It would not be a youth's rash impulse throwing his life away upon a whim. It would be a man's decision, fully thought out and acceded to by body, mind, and soul. A frightening thought. "What would you do if I said no?" 215 Captain's Surrender by Alex Beecroft "With respect, sir, you do not need to take that into consideration. The issue is what you want. If you do not think the game is worth the candle, it is enough to say so. The consequences to me are not your concern." "Humor me." Josh turned away, bowing his head slightly; slumped shoulder and rounded cheek in shadow. "I would grieve. Of course. But then I'd go back and marry someone who did want me." Peter laughed, concealing how uneasy that remark had made him feel. It hadn't occurred to him before tonight that Josh might have other options than merely to wait for his pleasure. He supposed he had been relying on Josh to be there a certainty held in reserve. The thought of having to turn his back on that, of ruling a line under this affair and meaning it this time, was as frightening as the thought of rejecting the laws of God and man to embrace it. He remembered that it had been Josh's voice which startled him out of despair during the duel, gave him strength to fight for his honor and win. Where would he find that strength if Josh deserted him? "But we could still be friends?" "I don't know," Josh said unexpectedly and came back to sit by Peter's side once more, putting his head in his hands. "What would it mean to be friends, if I was there and you were here? Opichi and Giniw ... they're good people. I wouldn't mess them about. So I think ... I think it's this or goodbye. I can't carry on being what I was, not now I know there's something better." 216 Captain's Surrender by Alex Beecroft This, too, was an intolerable thought. Peter had grown used to Josh simply being there; as little to be remarked upon, as indispensable and, he had supposed, as inseparable as his own soul. Turning to reassure himself that Josh was in fact still there, he found the younger man with his fingers underneath his wig, clutching at his hair. "So, that's a 'No, let's just be friends' then, sir. Is it?" It should be. Peter knew it should be. How would he ever be able to look himself in the eye again, knowing now how the world would condemn his sordid secret, if they knew it? Better not to have a sordid secret. Perhaps among savages such things might happen, but that didn't make them possible for gentlemen. He must say no. Opening his mouth, a white star of panic burst beneath his breastbone at the thought and rose to choke off the word unsaid. He could not physically force it out. Peter did not like being dictated to by his feelings. Making a tactical retreat, so that he could consider, approach the problem from a different angle, he shook his head to dislodge [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ] zanotowane.pl doc.pisz.pl pdf.pisz.pl blacksoulman.xlx.pl