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to be?
 I don t know! I don t fucking know! I was pissed.
 Wesley, he continued after a pause. He d allowed me
to calm myself a bit.  I guess on some level you feel you
deserve this treatment. Otherwise, why would you allow it to
continue?
 Allow it to continue? I stared at him in shocked
disbelief.  You think I m asking for it or something?
 Are you aware that Mrs. Birch is a friend of your
mother?
I shook my head.
 They were in the same grade together, right here at this
high school. She knows your mom quite well, and she knows
how supportive both of your parents are. What was his
point?  You have a support system at home, and there are
plenty of resources here at school of which you can avail
yourself, yet you choose to allow yourself to be victimized. I
just want to know why.
 You don t understand! I blurted out.
 No, I don t, he said calmly.  But I want to.
I should have known this session would evolve this
way. He was blaming me, the victim, for all the shit these
other kids did to me. He was making it sound like it was all
my fault.
 I haven t done anything wrong. My voice was deeper
now. I was angry.  I m not the perpetrator here! I m the
victim!
 Well then, let s change that.
 Oh, you make me so mad!
 Good! Good! Get mad, Wesley. Get furious!
 I am mad! I screamed.  I didn t ask to be who I am.
I m just me! I was born this way, and I can t help it! And
even if I could change it, I wouldn t, because I like who I
am! And if anyone else doesn t like it, they can kiss my gay
ass!
 Yes! he said, clenching his fists and leaning forward
against the desk.
 Jeremy Edwards has been bullying me for months
years. He s the one who did it. He shoved me into the toilet,
broke my glasses, and practically drowned me.
 And now he ll be punished. And now you won t have
to put up with that treatment anymore.
Instantly a wave of calm washed over me, although I
feared the consequences of what I d said.
 And there will be no reciprocation, he assured me.
 There will be no retaliation of any kind to you.
I DIDN T exactly believe Mr. Goodwin s assurances, but it
had felt good to release some of my pent-up anger. I was
sure Jeremy was not going to take his punishment quietly.
There would come a day when he d exact his revenge, but at
least for the moment I felt better about myself.
A rush of confidence surged through me as I practically
ran home that afternoon. I was glad Mom wasn t picking me
up, because the jog felt good. Once home, I raced upstairs
and changed into my girliest homemade tee shirt and lounge
pants and put on Lady Gaga s  Born This Way. Sitting in
the center of my mattress with my blinds wide open, I got out
my black nail polish and began painting my nails. I was
feeling like such a little monster.
Over and over, I replayed the song, singing along to the
lyrics. Finally I jumped up, grabbed a hairbrush from my
dresser, and began dancing and singing in front of the mirror.
I was born this way! I was exactly the person I was supposed
to be, and if that embarrassed Brad, he could go fuck
himself. If that pissed off Jeremy, he could kiss my lily-white
butt. I didn t care what they said about me, what they thought,
or what they expected. I was gonna be me from now on!
As I spun around, I saw him standing there, staring out
his window, taking in the entire scene. I didn t stop, though. I
danced faster and sang louder as he watched. Although I
expected him to turn away in disgust, perhaps close his
shades, he didn t do either. He stood there smiling. The
smile became laughter, and Brad began to dance with me.
We were both in hysterics by the time the song ended, and I
spread my arms wide and flopped back onto my mattress.
Take that, Brad Johnson. I was born this way!
FRIDAY was the day of reckoning. I got called to the
principal s office during second hour. Mr. Goodwin and
Mrs. Birch were present, and to my horror, so were my
parents. If there was one regret I had about the whole thing, it
was that the news had appeared to really hurt my mother.
Her eyes were red and puffy. I could see she d been crying,
and I suspected it was from hearing what Mr. Goodwin had
told her about the accident.
I tried to apologize to her with my expression, but I m
not sure she understood. Perhaps I just looked vulnerable to
her.
Mr. McGeorge, our principal, was very businesslike.
He told me that he appreciated that I had finally come
forward, and he assured me I would be safe. He looked at
my father when he said that the assailant would be paying for
the reimbursement of my broken glasses, as if that were my
father s primary concern. To my mother, he just nodded
sympathetically. [ Pobierz całość w formacie PDF ]




 

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